My whole life, no matter what age I turned, I always felt the same. Nothing ever happened. I was never growing, always felt stuck, and always treated like a kid. Until a year and a half ago, when my grandma gave me the opportunity to live with her. From then on, I've grown an insane amount. I've gained new perspectives and discovered a lot about myself through reflection. I realized my worth. during my youth, I felt like I was just there and that was it. One thing that got me through the chaos around me, though I've grown out of it but will remain grateful for, is Narnia. The idea of another world, a better world, full of magic, beauty, and peace was everything to me. The movies alone helped me forget about reality. I wanted to be Lucy so bad and to live in Narnia forever. I can't even count how many times I sat in my closet with my eyes closed, hoping that when I opened them I would be there. It saddened me to know that that could never happen, but I still held onto the escape anyways.
This is why I wouldn't change anything about my childhood. Narnia was there for all the times I felt trapped. And when I was at an age where I knew I couldn't escape to it anymore, I turned to write down my thoughts rather than ultimately avoiding them. I'm thankful for all the mental coping it gave me though.
Now, trying to move on from my past, I've let forgiveness in. I forgive the controlling times. I forgive the things I couldn't control due to time gaps. I forgive myself, for not standing up for what was right when I should have. I forgive my stupidity and turning a blind eye when I knew exactly what was happening, and I forgive the people who did it to me.
I've grown to a much better version of myself because of all these things. That's what these poems are about, growth. No one really knows how much they've grown until they look back on all the times they thought they wouldn't make it.