I became a victim of abuse in the church when I was a pupil in a Franciscan boarding school. My parents sent me there in order to give me a well-founded education under the protection of the monastic welfare. However, the boarding school turned out to be a nightmare. The Fathers had a double face: friendly on the outside and violent on the inside. Sexually abused several times and violently knocked down, I became alienated from myself. My inner life had shattered. Gaps in my consciousness as well as blind spots in my perception and thinking were the result. For me, this became quite normal, for many years there was a total disconnect between my past and present. Only when my life broke apart and I became suicidal did I realize that I needed help. From then on I wanted to know what had driven me into such hopelessness and alienation from life. Gradually, I regained access ...