When Simon embarks on an around-the-world quest to find the perfect engagement ring, he has no idea he'll re-enact a celebrity double murder, check into a Chinese torture facility, star as James Bond in an underwater movie and take part in an opium den toilet-paper hunt.

As he fights off Cantonese Pavarottis, Chihuahua-brandishing socialites, dodgy diamond dealers and hen-pecked secret agents, will he ever persuade his girlfriend to accept his proposal, or will he have to abandon his plans and remain a bachelor forever?