Sometimes, even the best vampires can earn themselves a good smack...

Sid Tillsley, forty-six, is an alcoholic benefit fraudster from Middlesbrough. He's sexist, homophobic, overweight, extremely lazy, and a dogger. However, one thing sets him apart from the rest of his fellow Northerners...

He can kill vampires with a single punch.

Meanwhile, in Northeast England, a monster has arisen, one that doesn't subscribe to Tits magazine. A vampire beast stalks the Yorkshire moors, mutilating and destroying everything in its path. The vampire elders fear the Firmamentum has reappeared-a phenomenon that occurs every few millennia when a human and a vampire are born, ultimately powerful and destined to oppose each other.

The Coalition, a council of vampires and humans mandated to hide the existence of the creatures of the night, believe Sid to be the Bellator, the chosen one destined to fight the vampire beast. Sid finds himself the centre of human and vampire attention, but he's more concerned about drinking down the pub with his mates and trying to end his two year drought with the ladies. Besides, Sid has more important things to worry about. The Benefit Office is on to him, and if they see him fighting immortal vampire monsters from Hell, they may take away his disability benefits.


"Sid is hilarious, entertaining and, strangely enough, charming.
Maybe charming is too strong a word..."
-Bitten by Books

2nd Edition - the series has been revised and rewritten as of Sept 2014.