By the time I was 50 I had been committed to psychiatric wards four times, attempted suicide a dozen times, divorced twice, roved from job to job and home to home, subjected myself to analysis by dozens of therapists and psychiatrists, used sex and drugs freely as needed to control my moods, took dozens of psychotropic medications, slept with 100 men and women, and spent several fortunes. I continued to look for the perfect drug to control my mood swings without horrible side effects. There didn't seem to be one.