Jack and Catherine, St. Louis's golden couple since meeting in a free sample line at the Cosmetic Expo, have a reputation to uphold. It's 2011 and eighty-year-old Jack thinks he has invented sexting, a useful tool for enjoying naked bodies other than his forty-five-year-old wife's. Self-help books haven't helped the modest Catherine Henninger fix things in bed with her narcissistic husband or get the stingy billionaire to beef up her widow's pension. When she nabs him in the hot tub with his personal assistant, a sadistic mafia hitman's wife, Jack's borrowed BlackBerry yanks Catherine into an unimaginable underground world. Gaslit by their German housekeeper Catherine's Dementophobia escalates until she is convinced by the cuckolded assassin that she needs to get a new life.