I was raised in a very strict Christian home, which led to secrets, rebellion and anger. Struggling to find where I fit in and to define love, led to a teenage pregnancy. Trying to make sense of this and deciding to marry the baby's father or to merely make it a marriage of convenience, to get away from my family. I knew this God was out there. I had heard about him in VBS and in the back of my mind, when nothing else made sense, I would call out to him. After years of living with the consequences of my own choices, I had to come face to face with the death of my oldest son. Followed by my own face to face encounter with cancer. I continually asked who could have sinned this badly? Was this a punishment from my past?